Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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