I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
