Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I touched a dick in church today
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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