i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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