Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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