filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize