Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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