I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
