3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
