i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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