thus making me awesome and them whores
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
