Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry about my life...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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