Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
