I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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