OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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