You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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