dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
