im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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