i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
