Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
