all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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