I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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