and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
