I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
