I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
