will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
