So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
