I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
