Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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