Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
