then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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