Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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