But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
