just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
