capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
