I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
