hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
