I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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