i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
