Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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