I think i peed on brittanys purse
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
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You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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