I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
