dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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