Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
