the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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