I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
