My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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