Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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