You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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