Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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