so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
