Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
