doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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