I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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