Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
