He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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