I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
