coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
