I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He has the fingertips of a God
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