Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
