I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
