Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
