I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
