is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
