Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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