her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
