Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
