I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
