I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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