Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
