Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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