life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
