her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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