Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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