dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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