i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
