Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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