now i know why i became what i already was.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
