I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
