Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
