loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
