Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I didn't notice because vodka
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
