somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I fill condoms, not promises.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
