I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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