You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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