the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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