You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
